I've forgiven and I've forgotten

Friday, December 7, 2007

Can you really forgive and forget? Some say its easier to forgive than to forget, and I would have to agree. But, while thinking it through and clear, I began to ask myself, how can you really forgive someone and still remember what they did.. have you really forgiven them if you can recall exactly what it is that they have done to you? I say in certain situations you can forgive a person and forget, especially if it really wasn't that serious.

I have this friend, she was like a sister to me when we were in High School. We would be together all the time. She called my mother mom, and I did the same with her mom. We were insperable. As she went off to college we still remained friends. She got together with this guy and I was still around. Though at times I felt a little uncomfortable being the third wheel on many of their dates, I still stuck it out because she was my friend, my best friend, and I wanted to be there for her when she needed me.. add to that we went places that I really wanted to go. So as we grew older we became a little distant. I guess that's what happens when life takes you in different directions. But, then something petty happend and we stopped being friends all together. She says that it was because she felt that I didn't want to be around her any more and I felt like it was because she was she wasn't my center anymore. Prior to that her and my mom had a falling out. She said she felt like my mom disrespected her but I think it was a miscommunication cause I was there. She didn't even invite my mom to her engagement party. I thought that was total disrespect because my mom knew you before you were engaged to this man. And if it was me that had done that, bet believe that I'd have had an earful of words. Anywho, we went for 2 plus years not uttering a word to one another. Her mother even stopped speaking to me. She actually told me to talk to the hand one morning when I went to kiss her hello. ( In my country that is straight disrespect and cause for a straight kick ass but she's my elder and I don't disrespect those who are older than I am) Our other best friend, tried to get us to talk to one another before she got married. That same year I was graduating from college and she wanted things to be smoothed out before any of those things happened. And like two stubborn children we didn't utter one word to one another.

Marriage came and went. By the way the wedding was held in my church. The church that I introduced her to (no grudge) and also people from MY ministry danced. So, now its the end of 06 and I'm more in touch with God, and I come across these scriptures (Ephesians 4:3232 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Colossians 3:1313 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye) I figured the time was right to bury the hatchet and move on with our lives. Many of my family members who knew her were telling me that I was right to make up with her but not to forget what it is that happened. But how can I forgive her if I continually remember?

So now its the end of 2007 and we've been friends since that time when I made up with her (yes I went to her and spoke to her about it) Thought its not the same we're really cool with one another. Now she is pregnant and about to have her first child. She has asked me to be the god-mother of her son. I said yes to it. My family members disagree and call me foolish for being that nice and trustworthy, but as a woman who tries to be as christ like as possible how can I not forgive and let go. I prayed on this many times, and God has kept me here. I have always asked for guidance and direction and God has never let me down and I don't think that this is when he'd start.

My co-worker friend tells me that she decided to do this because she wants to make up for not having me at her wedding. My mom was livid about this because she feels like I'm too soft and I don't have a backbone to say no, and its a slap in the face because I wasn't invited to the wedding and now I am asked to be god-mother. My cousin says that its because I just want to be a god-mother that I said yes ( I have a god-daughter.. she's 7) My other cousin said that she understands and whatever decision I make is solely my own.

I say this, I have chosen to be the god-mother of this child because its what I want to do. I do not have to answer to anyone other than God, and if you don't like it then its fine. I do what I want to do. I don't need a million and one people trying to be my conscience. I know what I'm doing. Yes, I know that being a god-parent is a very big deal, and that I've become part of this family. I completely understand this, and I take full responsiblity for anything that happens, I am ready for it. I can forgive and forget. I can move on. It has taken me time and I can deal with it. I am dealing with the forgive and forget of other people who have hurt me. And just like this relationship I'll learn to move on and no stress it.

I can forgive, and just keep harboring those painful memories. Or I can forget and move on and become a better person for myself. I think I'll choose the latter, and if there comes a time when I can't forget I'll be sure to let you know.

1 comment:

Ms.Knowitall said...

I've learned that forgiveness is the ability to say "thank you for giving me that experience" and meaning it with all of your heart. It's hard to forget and if you have a long memory, you probably never will but if you can be around this friend and not harbor any ill feelings, then you know you're able to be her friend. You've said yes to being her child's God-mother and that's a huge responsibilty because you will be a Christ-like example for him or her. Your other friends or family will have their comments and opinions but it's your heart that's connected to this woman, your friend and it's only right that you can forgive and embrace your friendship again.

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