So many thoughts so little accomplished

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

How do I want to be remembered when I die? That is the question on my mind this morning. As I was commuting into the city from my apartment in Brooklyn I had this thought running through my head. "How do I want to be remembered when I die?" I don't know why death was on my mind but it just was, though it wasn't the main factor for this morning's blog, its in my head none the less and I thought that I should just touch upon it. This all began because I had an argument this morning with my mother about a friend of mine, or rather a rekindled friendship that has gotten under her skin, but that's another blog. So, as I'm making my morning commute I look up at one of the posters on the subway wall and I see something that made me think. The poster is showing the accomplishments of these young women who attend the City University of New York (which I also attend), and what they are doing.
I began to think about my own accomplishments in my 26 years of being on this planet. I can't think of anything relevant, I begin to ask myself why haven't I done anything substantial in this life of mine? Why is it that I can't be like one of those young ladies who are doing something. I ask my cousin, who by the way is traveling with me if at times she feels like she doesn't work to her utmost potential? She says yes, and I tell her that I feel the same way. I wish that I could be more diligent and hard working and make positive influences in my community. Why couldn't I be one of those students who worked hard to get things done? Why was I a slacker (for lack of a better term)?
As I got off the train and began walking to the building I saw someone that reminded me of this former co-worker of mine who passed away a year ago, and this is where the "how do I wan to be remembered when I die" question came from. She was a nice woman; from what I can remember of her, but I didn't get to know her outside of work. I wonder what her family would say about her? How did she influence them? Who else other than her family can say nice things about her? Did she use all the gifts God had granted her? Was she selfless and understanding to others wants and needs?
So, then I started to wonder about myself. If I was to die tomorrow what would people say about me? I had to ask "How do I want people to remember me?" When I am being put to rest and my eulogy is being read what are they going to say about me? Have I done God's will? Have I been a good person? Was I there for those who needed me? Was I giving, and selfless? The questions just seem to be never ending. I don't want to be remembered as a person who wasted her time here on earth doing nothing than just living. I don't want to be a person who has nothing to show for her time here and wasting all my God given talents and abilities. Even if I don't reach the masses, if I can influence one person then I know that my life wasn't a waste and that I've touched one person who will in turn touch someone else because of me.
The thought of death has always seemed to inspire a lot of people to make some decisions in their life and I think I may be added onto that list. If I was to go right now I want to be remembered as someone who was willing to give her shirt off her back for someone else's comfort. I think I need a total make-over. A life altering change is about to take place...

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