I reminisce

Monday, January 5, 2009

Well well well, I have blogged 2 days back to back... See I'm trying to make good on my promise to be more diligent to my blog this year.. I promised!!

So,I was sitting at work on AIM (not what I get paid to do, but I needed a mental break and I took it) talking to my cousin and we were reliving some of the good times we had in 2008. There werern't that many, because we really didn't do much but for the ones we had (which took place on AIM most of the time it was time to reminisce) A bonafide loser I tend to save the emails the AIM conversations that my cousin and I have so that I can reread them or cause she asked me to and today was one of those days. She asked about a conversation that she and I had with another friend of ours, and in the conversation was mention of Ivory. Though I try to forget him as much as possible he was part of 2008 and some of the times were good times so why not bring him up right! NO WRONG!!!!!

She then asks if I have heard from my ex-boyfriend Vinny aka Ivory who I met him almost a year ago this month. I instantly change the subject cause I don't want to talk about him, though I've been thinking about him a lot recently. I would never tell her that I missed him cause then she'd go on this long drawn out speel about me and him and what not and whose it so I just avoid the questions and the comments and I bring up something else. But I must admit I have been thinking about him a lot lately, I don't miss him per say.. I just miss the time that we shared during our short lived relationship. For clarification I miss the companionship that he provided, I miss the feeling of having a guy around just to kick it with. It was cool, until he started to get all psycho bitch on me. Ivory and I broke up because of his untrustworthy ways. I do not like men who feel that they need to go through my phone or my room or even my friends to feel secure about themselves (which is what Ivory did)but that's another story.

Ivory and I hung out every single day. I met him through my friends aunt. She worked with him and said that he was such a nice guy and couldn't find a nice girl to hang around with. She told me he was italian and that he was really cool and handsome and what not. I don't have a problem dating outside my race so I said eh hook it up. It had been a long while since I was in the company of a guy or rather a guy that I found to be potential boyfriend material that I decided why not.

When we first met it was like instant friendship that quickly and I do mean QUICKLY turned into a relationship. He picked me up from work and took me home. We hung out on the weekends, went to movies, watched football games over the phone with one another. He'd call me during the day to see how I was doing, he sent gifts when I started to stress about school and exams and such. I was taken aback at how attentive he was. I was like this can't be true, and if it is PLEASE GOD don't let him turn out to be gay. I mean he was really cool and I liked it a lot. I can honestly say that the beginning of our relationship was awesome. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

It didn't take him long to want to bring me to see his family. His nephew was turning 1 year old and he wanted to introduce me. I met his family cause he wanted them to know who he was dating. It seems that he was gushing to them about me and they wanted to know who this girl was. They were cool, very down to earth Italian family, not as old school as I thought but still some really cool peeps. They were used to him dating black girls so it wasn't a shock when I walked through the door. He also met my family as well, and my mom and aunt were very clear cut with him. But he remained cool under pressure and was good with them.

But then things started to change, he got to be too clingy. The insecurities really kicked in when I mentioned some of the things that I did on the side. Nothing outlandish and stuff, just some social gatherings with friends, and sometimes the girls, but he just couldn't handl e it. My cousins said that it was my fault cause we were hanging out everyday and talking everyday was what made him that way but I have to say that it was more than that.. He started calling me at work a million times. It had gotten to the point where I had to change my phone plan because he called me so much. He then had a problem with me hanging with my cousins (and lord knows that I don't mess or play when it comes to my family.) And that pissed me off... My cousins are who I run to for everything. Since I am an only child I have them as my siblings for anything that I may want or need.

I was getting sick and tired of the 20 questions about me hanging out with family members and meeting guys and hanging out with guys and if I can bring my boyfriend to my social gatherings and if I could not talk to my male friends, shit that was just normal to me became an obvious and blatent problem for him. Ivory wanted to be around me at all times possible. He wanted to know everyone that I knew, he wanted to know why I knew this guy and why did this guy say Hi to me.

I tried to break up with him a couple times and I never could, cause it would break my heart. I felt sorry for him and at times I pitied him cause he didn't have anyone. His friends were all gone. He didn't have anyone to hang with. It came to the point where I was the only one he knew and he had me has his one and only friend and I felt sorry for the poor guy. I started to confuse love and pity and tell him that I loved him and stayed cause I didn't want to be a selfish bitch and leave cause I was angry for stupid things.

But then shit hit the fan where he questioned me about a co-worker who sent me a message on my phone. Mind you my phone was locked or so I thought and he studied my hand movements and unlocked my phone and aked me about him.

NO NO NO.. homey this is where I call it quits. (well after 4 attempts of leaving I finally did)

I don't like insecure men. I don't like a guy who feels the need or urge to go through my cell phone. I don't like a man who wants to pull me away from my family because he feels that my cousins may influence me to talk to another guy (as if I'm not capable of thinking for myself). I don't like a dude whose overly jealous over stupidity, I don't like a man who I have to always tell that I will not go out and cheat on him.

I don't like a guy who needs to make friends with my friends to feel like he knows something or has an inside look at what I am doing when he's not around.. HOMEY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO STEP

So after about 5 or maybe 6 months of torment and aggravation I left. I had enough and I told him that this wasn't going to work. He begged and pleaded and said he'd change but I heard those words before. And to be quite honest I didn't believe that shit for one hot haitian minute. His parents were cool about it cause they know their son. They said that with my personality and his need to have someone around at all times they knew it wasn't going to go far, but they were happy to have had me around. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had had enough of this crazy assed relationship and I needed out, and out I went.

Last night while cleaning up my hard drive, I found some pictures of him and I deleted all of them. Ivory haunted me for weeks after we broke up, calling me at odd hours of the night from private numbers that I never picked up. He called my friends, and that just made shit worse. he even called my house at like 3am and mind you I don't do those early morning calls.. They piss me off, I picked up and cursed him out hoping that he'd get the point, and as the months passed he finally gave up.

So though it would've been a year of a relationship with him I am glad to have gotten rid of him and moved on to being by myself. I don't mind being single most of the time. I just miss the guy being there for all the guy things that they do, I do miss the companionship, but I do not miss the aggravation. I think 09 will bring on another "guy friend."

Good riddance to bad rubbish


wynsters the tigress said...

happy new year!

MsKnowitAll said...

Awww shucks Liryc!

Well you know I'm glad that you and Ivory are through. Not that I didn't like the pale dude or nuthin' - I just know he wasn't right for you. Glad you put that baby to bed. Good night!

So here we are in a new year and new opportunities.

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