Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I am doing a little survey... well not really a survey, I am doing some research. Some self research, trying to see if my family members and other female friends were right? 

I am trying to see how men respond to a woman whose aggressive, the woman who approaches the man and gets them to give her his number. This might not be a feat for many of you out there, but for me its a problem. I used to say that I was shy, but I am not shy. I have a fear of rejection.. I have always had a problem talking to guys who weren't my friends.

My cousin has always told me to stop being such a punk, but I couldn't. I just could not walk up to a guy and start a conversation if I found him to be interesting and attractive, I feared that he'd tell me no and I'd end up hurt.  So what I would do is become their friend first, we talk about sports and music and cars which are all things that I like and they like, but before you know it I'm placed in the friend zone. The official homegirl spot, oh how I hate being placed in the home girl spot but that's what happens.  So I don't say anything and I leave it as such and with that I am not rejected. But, that's the problem, why should I be scared of rejection... no one is perfect. I am not going to be everyone's type and I should be able to just talk to a guy without fearing that he is going to not be interested in me, right??


I am afraid, petrified even (no wait, that's a bit extreme I'm afraid.. yeah lets stick to that), and this is why I'm doing my research. I'm trying to break out of my shell and be more proactive in my relationships or rather lack there of, stop waiting for something to happen and just make it happen. So, with that I did a little experiment. While I was at my aunts surprise birthday party I decided to put my plan into action. There was a cute bartender there, dark skinned, goatee, I found him to be attractive. I decided I was going to try what I had in mind and be more aggressive and not afraid of rejection and talk to him. Though I'm still on a "I hate men" from dealing with my ex (I have a story about that too, still deciding if I want to post) thing I didn't want make a fool of myself but all in all he was decent looking even.. so I went and sparked up conversation with him trying to be flirtatious but not too overly flirtatious... I went to get a drink. Check me out in the picture above. Thats what I had on!!

So I subtly flirt with him, or rather I tried to flirt.. LOL.. my flirting game has sucked recently. I'm afraid to make an ass out myself so I rarely flirt. I give him the little coy looks and all the other things we women do to get a man's attention outside of having a flashing light that says "HEY CHOOSE ME I'M OVER HERE"

I go back a couple of times and order drinks for my other family members all the while flirting and looking interesting.  He tells me that though he is in Rockland, he is always in Brooklyn (Insert jump for joy here) I say to him, well if you're around my neighborhood give me a ring (yes I did say that, and to my surprise it came out smoother than it did in my head) He says to me, well I'd have to have a number to do that right.. and I say, yeah you would now, wouldn't you and I walk away (cabbage patch dance done in head at this moment), after that we barely spoke, and I thought I might've been a bit too rude so I say to myself, "Self, if he doesn't give you his number then thats fine, and if he does then that's even better.."  I had to gear myself up just in case I got rejected by homey.. Close to us leaving cause Rockland shuts down its parties at 2 a.m.  he walks over to me and hands me his number with his email address.. I was all to sure that he wasn't interested and that he was just going to leave without giving it to me.. but he did.. 

Well well well.. It does work.. though I wasn't outright aggressive it was still weird for me. I don't do those things, I am not the type of girl that is going to walk to any dude and spark up conversation when I'm interested, that so isn't me, but I did it. and I was proud of myself.  
::pats self on back:: 

I didn't call him immediately the next day, I waited till Tuesday to give him a ring. I didn't want to seem over zealous about him. 

So right now I'm speaking to him and he seems like a really down to earth dude...

I'll keep you posted on how things are going.. 

Hip Hip Horray for me ::does the running man, while listening to hammer don't hurt 'em"


Mr.Slish said...

Niiice...You see that! You stepped out of your comfort zone and something positive happened...I wrote a post about this a while back....You might have read it already..its called The Soil Is Still Good.

Now remember men are afraid of rejection. That's why they don't approach women that often. We also don't read minds so standing around hoping that we talk to you won't work...What you did was smooth you put the ball in his court while making your intentions known...I'm impressed....: )

Somethin Special... said...

lol!! Go head Sawrah!! I am feeling that right there. IHonestly it isn't as hard as some make it out to be to strike up a conversation with a guy. As people I think we sike ourselves out and that messes with us where we just bomb RHOyally. I agree with Mr. Slish. We have to be proactive make sure you let your intentions known talking to 'Self' the enitre night will not bring dude over any closer lol. But I'm positive your on he right track ;-) Kudos to you!

Ladynay said...

Awwww shucks! Tell me after you gave him you number line you looked back at him while walking away. That's how I pictured the scene in my head as I read.

I'm inspired!

blkbutterfly said...

good job on stepping out of your comfort zone and meeting a cool guy. it's hard to put yourself out there, and you did it in a smooth and classy way. props to you!

Ms.Honey said...

I concur niiiice homie :) I like you am afraid of rejection or either coming across like I'm needy kudos!

Ms. Liryc said...

Thanks guys for all the kudos, I have an update about this coming up. It was a great start, I think I have the courage to do it again, cause this one well.... You'll read it.

EmbraceNatural said...

Gurl, you looking good! Congrats on conquering your fear, it's true that you have nothing to lose! I definitely can relate. Sometimes I feel I get a bit overly aggressive when I talk to a guy I really like so I hold back...wayyyy back...and just flirt and try to be his friend.

I'm suffering from it now, holding back on giving signs that "...I want to be with you not just "hang out" to a guy I like a whoole like.

You inspired me to figure out a way to shake things up some :)


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