Chronicles of a Big Gurl

Monday, March 2, 2009

I have never been skinny, wait let me rephrase that.. I have never been thin, slim or what have you.. and when I say never I mean NEVER!! I've always been chubby, or chunky, or thick.. whatever you want to call it. But by the American standards (from a size 0-6) I've never been skinny, thin, small or what have you..

Its taken me almost 28 years to get used to the idea
that I will never be a size 2 or a size 5 for that matter, and that know matter what I'm still beautiful.

But I remember those days when kids would make fun cause I was chunkier than they were and I remember when the boys wouldn't look in my direction cause I wasn't slim and tall like my other friends and that used to bother me, but as I have grown I have learned to love my curves and my excess of things that others don't have

Being from the Caribbean most of the men who I usually come in contact with will tell you that they prefer a woman with some meat on their bones, and that may well enough be true, but most of the ones that I have met liked them small, and that wasn't where I was.

This isn't what I really wanted to write about, I need go give an update on my conversation with the bartender guy but that will come later but this post is coming after a conversation I had with my cousin and some of his friends about the big girls with the pretty faces. Now I know many of you have heard people say this to other BBW (big beautiful women) I don't know how many times I've heard people say this but it got on my nerves, the whole, "she's got a pretty face for a big girl." HUNH?? Like what the heck does that mean? Am I supposed to be ugly because I'm not of a models size? What, do I automatically get deemed grotesque cause I have a few extra pounds.. I need some explanation about this because IDK what the heck that statement is supposed to mean?

It all started on Saturday, I was hanging with my young cousin in the hall way, just catching up, I haven't seen him in a while, we were talking and then his friends came and just started to chill with us, being that I am never around any young teen aged boys I took this opportunity to sit around and listen, and many of them aren't shy to talk about anything in front of me I got a front row seat into the mind of young high school aged boys. My cousin and his friends were talking about some of the girls that are in their school, the ones they thought were cute the ones they thought were ugly, those who had bad reps because she did this and she did that.. I really couldn't believe that this was the way boys broke down girls... it still amazes me that girls and women are broken down by guys this way, but continuing on, one of them mentioned the name of this girl lets call her "tiffany." He told his boys that him and "tiff" hang out all the time, and how she's really a cool chick, and he would be afraid to date her cause she's not his typical type, to which my cousin replies, "She's cute, got a nice face... for a big girl!"
Ok, he's 17 and doesn't know better, but there are men twice is age that will say the same dumb shit.. so why not correct it now, fist rip into him and his boys about the way they talk about girls, I tell them that, that isn't cool and how would they like it if a guy did that to their sisters or cousins or what have you, they in turn tell me, "hey if a girl wants to behave in a certain way is it our fault that we treat them that way?"... I say yes though I know they're right, then I turn to my little cousin and ask him about his quote about tiffany... I ask him, "what do you mean by that?" He says to me.. "well you know, she's not skinny or slim.. she's you know.... a big girl, not extremely fat but a thick girl.. and she's got a pretty face"

I screw my face up at his statement and he asks me why all the attitude. I tell him because I heard the same story when I was "tiffany's" age. I heard boys tell me that same insult (which is supposed to be a compliment) all the time... to which his boys reply "you're different, you're sexy... (insert eye roll here) I would've hollered if we were in High School" Yeah right, here they go talking about some chick who could have been me in H.S. but they don't really want to mess with her because she's not thin like many of the other girls.

Though I know the times have changed, and being rail thin isn't in anymore, big girls, and big women still have a hard time being accepted. Many young girls are still being teased for not being skinny like the other girls, many young women are starving themselves to be like those models they see in magazine's and add to that our clothes aren't as cute as the ones they have for the smaller women (but that's another blog)

What's with the perception that thin is the only way to go??? This society is so chopped and screwed its horrible, do people not understand that the average American woman is between a size 10 to a size 12. That in the modeling industry if you're over a size 6 (which is big to them) you're considered plus sized??? Freaking insane right!!

Oh how I long for the days when the models for all the famous painters used to be women with curves, the days when the portraits were of women of high society. And all women of stature and of nobility were deemed so because they had meat on their bones. Oh for the days when the sculpture of the fertility goddess is a plus sized woman with extra cushion for the pushin! I wish!! In a semi perfect world.. LOL LOL.. skinny women I love you..

Isn't it about being healthy and not necessarily skinny. I know plenty of skinny women who are unfit and unhealthy. My friend whose is a size 4 suffers from high cholesterol and high sodium, while me a size 16 has neither. I can walk up flights of stairs and not be out of breath while she is there panting her life away.. when did being skinny equal healthy??

I've come a long way since my H.S. days, I don't have issues as much as I used to with my body image, well only the belly fat that does not want to go away despite the hundreds of crunches and ab exercises that I do, I can honestly say that I love every single dimple on the side of my thigh, love for every stretch mark on my waist, every extra pound that I have, cause they fit me well.. I have learned to own my body. Its not perfect but its mine and it makes me ME.. and you know what I'll take that title.. "Pretty Face for a BIG GIRL"

But understand I am definitely going to change the ending of that statement.. "No I do not have a pretty face for a big, girl.. I have a pretty face PERIOD!! ""

So to all my women, we come in all different shapes and sizes and we have to learn to love ourselves. Love us first. Own your body.. its yours! Its not about being skinny or about being fat its about being healthy. Its about living the best life that you have. You should be able to walk up and down the stairs without panting and losing your breath, you should be able to wear what you want and feel good about yourselves.

Love yourself, cause if you don't love you... who will???


Blu Jewel said...

Women have to learn to love themselves no matter their size. I've always had a complex about my weight, shape, or size even though I'm what society considers acceptable. It took a long time to be secure in who I am physically and I embrace that woman and love her dearly. I think beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and we have to let people be.

The only issue I have it that folk, no matter their size, wear clothing that is size appropriate.

Love to live; live to love!

Ms. Liryc said...

blu, you are absolutely right about your last line, there are some women who wear the wrong clothes no matter what their size. And my statement to that is just because they make it in your size doesn't mean that its for you, but many women who don't learn that.

Strongblkwmn said...

I couldn't love this post more if I wrote it myself.

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