Black Love

Sunday, February 14, 2010

So, its is the day when we celebrate the ones we love or the ones we would want to love. Though this holiday isn't one that I'll be celebrating I can't help but smile at the cover of the new Essence magazine. On it, is the most beautiful couple I have seen, one that represents what I hope to attain one of these days. I am talking about BLACK LOVE. On the March 2010 cover of Essence is a picture of the president and his beautiful wife Michelle, to me they are the epitome of what many black women and men aspire to have, a good, solid, loving relationship that may have its ups and downs but you still make it work.(God willing)
Love is a word that is easy to say but harder to express, most of you may not agree, but the majority of you are most likely shaking your head at this (insert head shake riigghhhttt HERE) and when I say express I mean other than just buying things for the person you call bf or gf.  I know many women who brag about what their s/o buys them and they attribute this to love, but in actuality its not cause just cause he bought you that Gucci bag that you were wanted doesn’t automatically mean that he LOVES you, or it might if that’s what you chalk up love to.. Anywho, I admire President Obama and the first ladies relationship. They express how open and honest they are with each other. 
I know that relationships aren’t easy, it something that needs to be worked on daily, its just like learning to ride a bike or learning to drive, you have to keep trying until you're comfortable with it.  From the outside looking in you might assume that their marriage is perfect. but, they revealed that their marriage has been tough yet they have made it work for them and they work on it all the time. 
I think that this is what goes wrong with my relationships. I will admit that I am not one who makes it work most of the time. I am hard on the other person that I am with. I would say that its because I’ve been hurt but I think that, that would be a cop out so I’ll save that story for another time. I realize that the time it takes to work on it (a relationship) and have it work in my benefit takes time and though the person I am involved with and I have an argument or two I need to be understanding.. I’ll remember this for next time. 
I remember watching the special during the Christmas season with them (Obama’s) and Oprah. Michelle talked openly about why her marriage works. She says that when it is "all said and done" she still likes her husband. At first I wasn't understanding what she meant, I thought she was going to say something poignant and philosophical and all she said was that she still liked her husband.. (my light bulb took a couple of minutes to finally light ) I just had to sit and wonder what she meant by that... after some thought I understood. Love goes far beyond just the words, and the gifts and the fights. Its goes beyond expressions, it extends to where you like the person despite their faults and arguments that you may have with. You have to like the person that you're with, in addition to loving them.
Ladies, how many of us LIKE our s/o’s ? I mean you liked them in the beginning when you first started dating them, but how many of you still LIKE your boyfriend?  How many of you have instant attitudes when you and your bf have a simple fight? We black women sometimes have attitudes... well we have full bitchtudes but that’s besides the point. Yes, we do the neck roll and eye roll with the "You don' know me," " You ain't shyt" talk so quickly that we hardly have time to reflect on what happened to have the guy get upset, or why you're fighting with you. I must admit that we do things like this all the time and its hard to make a relationship work. Many other things contribute to the relationships demise but, Mrs. Obama says that there are certain things that we must remember  and the main thing to remember is that you "LIKE" the person. Michelle says that  she likes her husband even though they argue and if she hadn't liked him, then things would be much worse. 
So this is the reason why  THEIR marriage work..  well well well.. I guess this is what I learned today! I know that some of my married friends do not like the person they are with despite saying that they love their spouses.. 
If that isn't some philosophical shyt I don't know what is! Mrs. Obama made so much sense that I had to ask myself how many of my ex’s did I actually like?  ............. (me thinking) what I found was that I really didn’t LIKE them especially since I couldn’t find reasons or ways to make the relationships work. Yes, I know the relationship is a two way commitment, and my ex’s did contribute to the demise of our “LOVE” but I will take blame for what I did, and I will say that I really didn’t like the man that I was with. 
So my takeaway message  is to make things work, in addition to being patient and kind and LOVING, i have to “LIKE" them, and talk it out and you'll be ok."
So as you celebrate you vday with the one you love plz remember you like who you're with in addition to loving them.. If it can work for the Obama's it can work for us too...

Happy Valentines Day

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