Mmm...Mmmm...Mmmm.. Toasty

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The other day a soror/friend of mine asked the guys on our list serve if they had ever been toasted by a female.. Toasting is just the politically correct term for hollering at a guy or making the first move on a guy.. you know you doing all the cat calling shit that they usually do to women when they walk the streets. The guys were all (well except for 1) said that they had never been toasted.. or hollared at!  Can I believe maybe.. but I don't think they paid attention because some guys can be kind of vapid when it comes to come ons from women..

I recently toasted a guy... My bestie and I were coming from a grueling 2-hour session at the gym and she had to buy her hubby food. While making our run she points out that there is a cute guy with locs walking by. She knows I have this love for tall, dark men with locs.. its just a turn on.. anywho I proceed to honk her horn to get his attention, and he walks to the car.. I say my hellos, tell him that I think that his locs are nice looking and then say good night and drive off.. He walks to  his car.... I think.. "hey this is my opportunity to turn the tables and holla at this guy" so I made my bestie run two red lights (Sorry) and go back to where we had met him and guess what.. he was still there.. (I knew he would be.. ok I didn't know I just guessed but it was a good one) I asked him if he was married, attached, etc.. just to get the specifics out the way.. and then I asked for the number.. had to make it quick, the light changed and we were holding up a dozen cars behind us. I got the number and said I'd call. I didn't call that night.. thought it was too quick, but I called the next afternoon. He said he was at work and would call me back. That was 3 weeks ago and no return phone call. Whatever..

I don't get it. I thought men would want to have a woman take some control, well that is NOT the case. Apparently from what the males on my list serve said men like to be the ones who are the aggressor. Yeah they like a woman to take control once in a while but they feel like a punk if the woman is continuously the one that is there taking control of the situation.. WHAT?? I thought a man would appreciate the fact that I took the initiative and took the pressure off of him because asking someone out is intense.. but I was WRONG... So what to do now? I have done the flirting thing and that was cool, and some men get the gist while others are dense, and I've done the direct approach and that was shot down too.. so what the next move?? Time to go back to the drawing board or should I try both approaches again?? Research needs to be done..

There doesn't seem to be any winning in this dating game. Just when I thought I had figured something out I find out that I was horribly wrong. This doesn't make any sense.. I need some light shed on this situation!


MsKnowitAll said...


I don't do no approachin'! I know that's grammatically incorrect but I want you to get my gist. Allow men to lead. They get their thrills from chasing so let them chase. Roles have not reversed for thousands of years so why now would we try?

I get it. Society tells us that it's ok to wear the pants, to be aggressive, to hold it down by being both masculine and feminine - that's for women who don't want to be in relationships.

This is all my opinion of course.

Relinquish the controls, allow the men to pursue and meanwhile, continue working on you. It's cliché... and most of all, love will find you when the time is right!

steve K said...

MsKnowitAll is so right, and I mean this in a good way.

abhasoft said...

thank you

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