Wait a minute... No seriously WEIGHT...

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I am struggling here. Seriously I am really really struggling. I have had trouble with weight from since I can remember and now its even more of a problem.

While walking into work the other day it occurred to me that I am the biggest person at  my job. No, seriously I am the heaviest person on staff and that's disturbing. I was a little distraught by this revelation... No actually I was down right depressed about this revelation.  Now I usually don't compare myself to others because I could really care less about other people, but add to the fact that I am also the only black woman on staff makes this even worse. We already know about the plight of weight when it comes to black women and I am making it worse by being the heaviest woman and person on the staff. 

I came home and really thought about what I could do to fix this issue. I have done the weight loss thing and I have lost significant amount of weight but I have gotten lazy. I just want the quick fix. I wish there was a magic pill that I could take that would take this weight away but that's not going to happen so I am going to have to make a serious change to my diet. 

My boyfriend says that he wants me to be happy, and if this is what I want then he is supportive of me doing this. I seriously love this man because he has never made me feel like I need to go on a diet, though when he and I met I was about 40-45lbs lighter. I was working out 6 days a week and I had made the gym my boyfriend. I was so into working out, then I stopped. I know that I need to lose weight, I have to lose weight because I am not comfortable. The only problem is that I lack motivation. I don't know what to do to get myself off my ass and get to the gym and make the changes that I know I need to get myself to a healthy weight. Now, I am not saying that I want to be near death and get scared shitless to wake up, but I need motivation. I need to find that thing that's going to get me all riled up to go to the gym and work my ass off (or rather make it plump, but that's another story)While going through my Instagram feed I found a challenge that begins tomorrow. I had already talked my boyfriend into doing this 21 day challenge with me, maybe I can do this also. 

I am a chocoholic and I am not afraid to admit it. I love sweets and have a major sweet tooth, though I know this is another reason why I am fat I cannot get myself to not eat chocolate. So we are going to do this 21 day challenge. I am going to break the chocolate eating habit and start snacking on foods that are good for me.  From what I've been told it takes 21 days to form a habit so I am hoping to really get into this habit. I don't want to be fat anymore, I hate not looking cute in my clothes so tomorrow I start my habit and will keep at it for the next 21 days. That will be 21 days of non-stop working out. Sundays are going to be my toughest days but I believe if I go after church then I will be ok, or I can wake up and get there early and work out and then go to church. 

God knows I need to do this. I never wanted to be a chunky or fluffy bride and although I am not engaged just yet I know its going to happen. Its only a matter of time and instead of waiting till then to get my ass in the gym I am going to start now.. 

I'll keep posting about my progress, I am going to keep praying about this because I know that if I don't have God at the forefront I will not be able to do this.  

Just one day at a time

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