No babies...

Monday, November 17, 2014

I remember when I was younger and thought that I wanted to be a mother with 6 kids. I wanted to have a large family primarily because I am an only child and I always believed that it was a lonely life. I have always said that I would not want to raise a child by him/herself because I believe they would be missing out on something.

Then there was a time where I thought I didn't want to have children because of the amount of hard work and time that they would need. I remember thinking that if I don't have children maybe I can live my life as I want it, I can travel and see the world. I think I even told my mom about not wanting children, which she promptly told me was not going to happen because she was praying to God that I do have kids. I asked her ¨What if I don't want kids? What if I want to live my life without children?¨ My mother promptly told me that I was being selfish by saying that. How was I being selfish by not wanting to have children? I thought she was crazy by saying this. But I soon found out that she wasn't the only one that felt this way.

Don't get me wrong, I do want children. I have come to the realization that children are definitely in my future. But when I brought this possible idea up to the boyfriend he instantly shot me down, he said that not having children was not part of the plan and that its a selfish idea to not have children. What? Wait, how is that selfish? How is it that not wanting babies is selfish? This doesn't make sense to me. I asked a couple of my friends and they and while most disagreed with the bf some of them agreed. I wasn't sure how, and I wanted to know how.

When a woman decides to not want children this is a decision that she makes because she wants what she feels is best for herself. Having children is a life altering thing and I can understand it when a woman says that she doesn't want any. How can you be selfish if you see that having children would complicate things, thus making life hard for the child. I would say that this is a selfless thing for someone to do instead of selfish. Becoming a parent to a little life is just a lot of work and I cannot say that I am not scared of one day doing that.

When I hear of all the tragic stories that are circulating the news about how some parents are mistreating their children or how some parents are killing their children I really wish that, that mother had made the selfless thought to NOT have children.

But, what about the man? What if he does want children and she doesn't want children? How does that work? This conversation is rarely brought up in relationships, it is assumed that kids are wanted, but what if its not brought up? How can you tell your significant other that you do not want children. How can you tell them that you want to be selfless and not have kids because its not something that you see yourself having? I have a girlfriend of mine that is dating and she doesn't want children but some of the guys that she has been meeting do. Does it ruin your chances of being with someone long term if you do not want children but they do?

I recently read an article about a couple who didn't want to have children and the wife basically stated that being in a relationship without children is just as difficult if not more difficult than people who have children.

What say you people of the interwebs.. Do you think that not having children is selfish or selfless?


C Waugh said...

Great blog topic. I've never thought about this before.

Each to their own. I don't think it's something people should be criticised about just like people aren't put down for wanting to have children at some stage in life.

Anonymous said...

Came here after reading an article on Cooee!

An interesting thing to think about. Thanks for this post, I enjoyed reading it.

Riley J.J said...

C Waugh, Its bad that people criticize others for not wanting to have children. Its like its a curse on humanity if you choose not to have any babies. Society puts such a big emphasis on having children, and people should not look at not having them as a curse but as being responsible enough to know when its not something thats for everyone. Thanks for commenting. Hope you come again.

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